Classic jokes from The Two Ronnies...

blobbyhblobbyh Font Of All KnowledgePosts: 2,415Registered
... as seen earlier tonight! Proof that jokes can be funny AND clean-ish!!!

A loudmouth drunken gambler goes to his local pub and starts bragging that he can win any bet no matter what, no matter how big or small. After hearing this for several hours, the regulars offer him a three challenge bet for a thousand pounds.

The gambler ponders this for all of five seconds before accepting and asking what the three challenges are to which the locals reply;

1) Drink twenty pints of the strongest ale in the pub inside twenty minutes
2) Wrestle the biggest, meanest gorilla down the local zoo
3) Make love to an Eskimo before the night is through.

Despite this odd bet, the gambler says “Easy” and accepts. He then duly downs all twenty pints with five minutes to spare. “Right” he says,” now let’s sort out this gorilla”.

A little worse for wear, the gambler is carried by the locals to the zoo where he then climbs over the fence into the gorilla compound. For the next twenty minutes the only sounds to be heard are punches flying, fur and hair being pulled, teeth knocked out and bones being crunched.

Finally, the gambler emerges all battered, bruised and bleeding from the compound, staggering everywhere and says;

“Right, now let’s go and wrestle this Eskimo…”

************************************************************

A man who’s been having problems sleeping lately is referred to see a psychiatrist by his doctor. So off he goes where the psychiatrist opens a book and shows him a picture of random ink blots scattered over the page.

“Tell me what you’re thinking of” he asks the patient.

“Sex” says the patient.

“Hmmmm” says the psychiatrist and proceeds to show him the next one. “Now tell me what you’re thinking of” he asks.

“Sex” says the patient.

The psychiatrist shows him a third picture and again says “Tell me what you’re thinking of”.

“Sex” says the patient.


This goes on and on for another ten pictures before the psychiatrist says “I know what the problem is. You’re suffering from Extremis Randyitis. You’re clearly sex mad”.

“I’m sex mad?” says the patient, “You’re the filthy sod who’s showing me all the dirty pictures…”

:laugh::laugh::laugh:
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