Anyone With A Funny Joke

bevkes

Hei guys i'm kinda bored here-will appreciate a joke or anything dat will make me laugh..........

timgriff

Q) How does an accountant deal with constipation?

A) He works it out with a pencil. :tongue_smilie:

JJ43

Here I stand, broken hearted,
paid a penny and only farted !

A-Vic

how many accountants does it take to screw in a light blub?

= none were all bright enough

eggghhhh that was awful

Esme

Why do squirrels swim on their backs?

...

To keep their nuts dry!

mark130273

i have heard the irish have solved the oil crisis in ireland with all the shortage world wide. they have just bought 5,000,000 tons of sand from the arabs and








they are going to dig for oil themselves !!!

:tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie::tongue_smilie:

mikes

A woman was walking down the road, when she saw a young boy dressed up as a pirate, in his garden. She said to him "Hello sunny, if you are a pirate, where are your buccaneers?” The boy looked at her, puzzled, and then he replied "There on the side of my buccen head"

jackie

The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my grandad's farm,
and we saw all his pet sheep. It was fascinating.'
The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word
'fascinate', not fascinating'.'
Sally raised her hand. She said, 'My family went to see Rock City and I
was fascinated.'
The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use
the word 'fascinate'.'
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had
been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word
'fascinate', so she called on him.
Johnny said, 'My Aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs
are so big she can only fasten eight.'
The teacher sat down and cried. :blushing:

jilbo

Thanks for that jackie, you brought a smile to what was becoming a black day!

jackie

Here is another to brighten up Monday...hope that this one is okay and I will not get told off:ohmy:


A teacher at a polytechnic college reminded her pupils of tomorrow's final exam.

'Now listen to me, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow.

I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury, illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!'


A smart-arsed guy at the back of the room raised his hand and asked,


'What would happen if I came in tomorrow suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?'

The entire class was reduced to laughter and sniggering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shook her head and sweetly said,


'Well, I suppose you'd have to write with your other hand':blushing:

tattookitten

I love that one!!!

mark130273

try this one ......if easily offended READ ON !

To All My Drinking buddies:::::

I just read an article on the dangers of drinking....


Scared the **** out of me!























So that's it!


After today, no more reading.

Jan

THE FINAL EXAM ...........
At Penn State University , there were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that, the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party. They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying, they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Penn State until early Monday morning.

Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam.

The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.
Cool, they thought! Each one in separate rooms, thinking this was going to be easy... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...
*
*
*
*
*

For 95 points: Which tire? _________



I also know one similar to fasinate, but used concientious & a very rude word in the punch line :blushing:

jkc

A lady went into a jewellers and leaned over to look at an
elegant diamond ring. as she streightend up she let out a little
fart. embarrassed she looked around to see if any one had noticed.
How much is the ring she asked the jeweller
Madam, he replied if you farted looking at it
you will s*** your self if I tell you how much it is.