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My Christmas Message !hehe

A-VicA-Vic Expertise GuaranteedRegistered Posts: 6,970
Dear Friends

As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same reason.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But that will change once I receive the £30,000 that Bill Gates and Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate.

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me.

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm filling up.

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with a food sample and rob me.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore and Uzbekistan .

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking u nder the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my bum.

I can't even pick up the five pounds I found dropped in the car park because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting under my car to grab my leg.

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next 10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will sit on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour's ex-mother-in-law's second husband's cousin's plumber - and it was on GMTV.

By the way..... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don 't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

Regards,

Comments

  • VictoriaVictoria Settling In Nicely Registered Posts: 18
    That's fantastic! It's made my morning and is so true!
  • jilbojilbo Well-Known Registered Posts: 197
    Thanks for that A-Vic, started my day with a chuckle!

    Have a great Christmas
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    lol thanks

    My take on the ozzy christmas message hehe
  • JanJan Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 654
    By the way..... did you know that a South American scientist has, after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who don 't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the mouse.

    Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:

    I was standing up, does that count???
  • BluewednesdayBluewednesday Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 1,624
    And I was using a touch pad so Im sure that doesn't include me
  • mark130273mark130273 Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 4,234
    that last point was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny...........

    did remind re of a little test out tutor give us last year........she gave us a little 2 page test with the instructions on the front saying "1 hour test with 10 mintue reading time"

    so it had a few long type questions at the front .......so i zoomed throught them all took about 1/2 hour then turn the pages over and there was three more on the back....

    and the last question said 10: if you just put your name on the front page you will pass, there is no need to answer any of the questions ?:crying:





    so i have a quick run throught before starting any exam !!!:laugh:
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    And I was using a touch pad so Im sure that doesn't include me

    lol a smart one getting some hehehehe:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    mark130273 wrote: »
    that last point was soooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo funny...........

    did remind re of a little test out tutor give us last year........she gave us a little 2 page test with the instructions on the front saying "1 hour test with 10 mintue reading time"

    so it had a few long type questions at the front .......so i zoomed throught them all took about 1/2 hour then turn the pages over and there was three more on the back....

    and the last question said 10: if you just put your name on the front page you will pass, there is no need to answer any of the questions ?:crying:





    so i have a quick run throught before starting any exam !!!:laugh:

    lol
  • mark130273mark130273 Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 4,234
    learn from little mistakes......and that exam was funny..........
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