Credit Crunch you gotta laugh

A-Vic
A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
What's the capital of Iceland ? - About £3.50


How do you define optimism?
A banker who irons five shirts on a Sunday


Why have estate agents stopped looking out of the window in the morning?
Because otherwise they'd have nothing to do in the afternoon


What's the difference between an investment banker and a large pizza?
The pizza can still feed a family of four.


What's the difference between an investment banker and a pigeon?
The pigeon is still capable of leaving a deposit on a new Ferrari.


A lobbyist on his way home from Parliament is stuck in traffic.
Noticing a police officer, he winds down his window and asks: 'What's the hold-up?' The policeman replies: 'The Prime Minister is so depressed he's stopped his motorcade and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. 'He says no one believes he can get us through the credit crunch. So we're taking up a collection for him.' The lobbyist asks: 'How much have you got so far?' The officer replies: 'About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning.'


The credit crunch has helped me get back on my feet. The car's been repossessed.


Latest news: The Isle of Dogs bank has collapsed. They've called in the retrievers.


What do you say to a hedge fund manager who can't sell anything?
A Quarter-pounder with fries, please.


Bradford & Bingley employees are concerned they were given no notice of the takeover by Santander Bank.
A Government spokesman said: 'No one expected the Spanish acquisition.'


You know it's a credit crunch when...
· The cashpoint asks if you can spare any change.
· There's a 'buy one, get one free' offer - on banks.
· The Inland Revenue is offering a 25 per cent discount for cash-payers.
· Gordon Brown has stopped chewing his nails and started sucking his thumb.
· Your builder asks to be paid in Zimbabwean dollars rather than sterling.
· Highgrove has been repossessed.
· Victoria Beckham is pictured shopping in Primark.
· Alistair Darling's eyebrows have turned white.





Gordon Brown, Alistair Darling and Peter Mandelson are flying to a world economic summit. Peter looks at Alistair and chuckles: 'You know, I could throw a £50 note out of the window right now and make one person very happy.' Alistair shrugs his shoulders and says: 'Well, I could throw five £10 notes out of the window and make five people very happy.' Gordon says: 'Of course, but I could throw ten £5 notes out of the window and make ten people very happy.' The pilot rolls his eyes, looks at all of them, and says: 'I could throw all of you out of the window and make the whole country happy.'


"Handwritten in ornate calligraphy using only the finest quality ink, on 50 year old parchment, made from the trees along the Zambeze river, sealed with the finest wax from the African honey bee - this is not just any redundancy letter, this is an M&S redundancy letter"


:lol::lol::lol:

Comments

  • farmergiles
    farmergiles Registered Posts: 1,693 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    That has started the day with a laugh, thank you
  • X5wrangler
    X5wrangler Registered Posts: 170 Dedicated contributor 🦉
    Agree with you there FG!!! How are you?
  • farmergiles
    farmergiles Registered Posts: 1,693 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    I'm fine, thanks, X. I have replied to your PM
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    hehe welcome
  • columbia
    columbia Registered Posts: 580 Epic contributor 🐘
    Brilliant!!

    Got a smile on my face now! :lol:
  • PAMDILL
    PAMDILL Registered Posts: 721 Epic contributor 🐘
    Good one!
  • Monsoon
    Monsoon Registered Posts: 4,071 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    Hehe, most of those were very good! Thanks for the laugh :lol::thumbup1:
  • AdamR
    AdamR Registered Posts: 668 Epic contributor 🐘
    I needed that:crying:

    Thanks!:thumbup1:
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    AdamR wrote: »
    I needed that:crying:

    Thanks!:thumbup1:

    Awww pleased to cheers ya up :001_smile:
  • columbia
    columbia Registered Posts: 580 Epic contributor 🐘
    I love the new avatar, A-Vic!
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    columbia wrote: »
    I love the new avatar, A-Vic!

    Cheers wanted something a little nicer :001_smile:
  • mark130273
    mark130273 Registered Posts: 4,234 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    toooo true a-vic!!!!
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    mark130273 wrote: »
    toooo true a-vic!!!!

    Hey up mark where you been hiding???:001_smile:
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