Something to amuse...

Options
Jan
Jan Registered Posts: 654 Epic contributor 🐘
1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me for the path is narrow. In fact, just bugger off and leave me alone.

2. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

3. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

4. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.

5. Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticise them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.

6. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

7. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

8. If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.

9. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

10. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windscreen.

11. Good judgement comes from bad experience and most of that comes from bad judgement.

12. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

13. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

14. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

15. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

16. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our a**e . then things just get worse.

17. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Comments

  • columbia
    columbia Registered Posts: 580 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    Great Jan!

    No 4 is definately true!!!
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    Options
    Hehe like it
  • Ponder
    Ponder Registered Posts: 97 Regular contributor ⭐
    Options
    haha
    nice one , thanks for sharing them(and some laughter)
  • CJC
    CJC Registered Posts: 1,657 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    Options
    You can expect me to nick No.5 for my sig just a soon as everyone has forgotten where it was posted originally :001_smile:
  • PAMDILL
    PAMDILL Registered Posts: 721 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    Number 13 wins hands down for me
  • Jan
    Jan Registered Posts: 654 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    The first is my favourite - actually feel like that some days, I crave being on my own sometimes. Perhaps 'cos I'm an only child?
    17, def bottom clenching one!
  • AdamR
    AdamR Registered Posts: 668 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    :laugh:Number 1 for me!
  • CJC
    CJC Registered Posts: 1,657 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    Options
    And I thought I was the misanthropic one round here.
  • AdamR
    AdamR Registered Posts: 668 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    :laugh:Well I won't take that crown off you if you're desperate to keep it...:001_tt2:
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
    Options
    needs to learn number 12 by heart lol
  • Cullen
    Cullen Registered Posts: 592 Epic contributor 🐘
    Options
    Give a man some wood and you warm him for the day. Set him alight and you warm him for the rest of his life............

    Give a man a fish and you feed him for one day. Teach him to pray and he starves to death asking God for fish...................
Privacy Policy