A few laughs for the weekend!!

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Diannew
Diannew Registered Posts: 2,814 Beyond epic contributor 🧙‍♂️
He Said, I Said

He said to me....I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to
put in it.
I said to him...You wear pants don't you?

He said to me....Shall we try swapping positions tonight?
She said....That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I
sit on the sofa and pass wind!

He said to me....What have you been doing with all the grocery money I
gave you?
I said to him....Turn sideways and look in the mirror!

He said to me...How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet
paper?
I said to him...We don't know; it has never happened.

He said to me. . Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring
and good-looking?
I said to him . .. . They already have boyfriends.

He said to me....Why are married women heavier than single women?
I said to him...Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to
bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge.

Enjoy the weekend!!!

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  • SeanyBoy
    SeanyBoy Registered Posts: 553 Epic contributor 🐘
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    To all women,

    On behalf of all men I would like to clarify a few points:

    The floor is considered an acceptable clothing storage location.

    Never ask me to purchase feminine products. Assume that I will come home with the wrong thing.

    When watching TV hugging is always fine because I can still see the screen. Kissing should only be done during timeouts and commercials. Questions should also be limited to this period as you stand a much better chance of getting an immediate response.

    When we are watching your show and I change the channels during a commercial do not hassle me that they are over to change the channel back. I always know when the timing is right. Also, when we are channel surfing do not ask me to go back, there was a good reason why I skipped it.

    If you need help with the laundry, I am more than willing to carry it from the bedroom to the washer. In my mind this is half the chore and I am now free to return to the couch.

    If I mention that a male friend of mine is allowed to do something it is not necessary for you to call his wife/girlfriend to discuss it.

    If you don't like the way I am driving close your eyes. And I would appreciate it if you would refrain from making that reverse inhaling alarmed noise. I haven't hit anything yet and if I do it will be your fault. (this is so me!!!)

    I go clothes shopping to buy, never to look.

    Just tell me what you want me to wear before I get dressed. And remember that this takes me less than ten minutes no matter what the occasion is. After all I am getting dressed, not getting ready.

    Don't ask me if I prefer one outfit over another or if a certain accessory should be worn or not. I consider this a no win situation and would rather just wait for you to get dressed while watching TV.

    If you want me to put the seat down when I am finished then you should leave the seat up when you are finished. It's only fair. And stop giving me a hard time about missing the bowl. What do you expect from an organ that has a brain of its own.

    I will cook anything as long as it is on the BBQ.

    Yelling to me across the house sounds exactly like stadium crowd background noise to me. I am not ignoring you.
  • SeanyBoy
    SeanyBoy Registered Posts: 553 Epic contributor 🐘
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    Morning Make,

    I read a report the other day and I have a few concerns over your state of mind, please read the news article below and please do something before it's to late.

    Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that the results of a recent analysis revealed the presence of female hormones in beer, and suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption.

    The theory states that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

    To test the theory, 100 men were each fed 6 pints of beer within a one-hour period. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, had to sit down while urinating and refused to apologize when wrong.
  • lorraine
    lorraine Registered Posts: 404 Dedicated contributor 🦉
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    lol
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