How not to complain......

Marga
Marga Registered Posts: 981 Epic contributor 🐘
Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

Comments

  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Marga wrote: Β»
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    omg :lol: soooo funny
  • mark130273
    mark130273 Registered Posts: 4,234 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    whats wrong with number 10 looks ok to me !!!!! hahahaha
  • Jan
    Jan Registered Posts: 654 Epic contributor 🐘
    omg i think i am going to choke!
    there are tears rolling down my cheeks!!! good job i am at home
  • blobbyh
    blobbyh Registered Posts: 2,415 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Marga wrote: Β»
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    Very funny though I'm a tad dubious about most of 'em being genuine...

    ... and as Vic unnecessarily quoted the entirety of the post in her response, so will I and I expect others to too.
  • messedup89
    messedup89 Registered Posts: 1,281 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Pmsl!!!!
  • A-Vic
    A-Vic Registered Posts: 6,970 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    blobbyh wrote: Β»
    Very funny though I'm a tad dubious about most of 'em being genuine...

    ... and as Vic unnecessarily quoted the entirety of the post in her response, so will I and I expect others to too.

    It was worth adding tho robert as still laughing
  • mark130273
    mark130273 Registered Posts: 4,234 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Marga wrote: Β»
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    might as well since robert expects !!!
  • Bookworm55
    Bookworm55 Registered Posts: 479 Dedicated contributor πŸ¦‰
    blobbyh wrote: Β»
    Very funny though I'm a tad dubious about most of 'em being genuine...

    ... and as Vic unnecessarily quoted the entirety of the post in her response, so will I and I expect others to too.
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Marga
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    omg soooo funny

    +1
  • jewels.p
    jewels.p Registered Posts: 1,774 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Marga wrote: Β»
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    Just forwarded it to everyone in my Contact List its so funny!
  • Sweetpotato Chips
    Sweetpotato Chips Registered Posts: 173 Dedicated contributor πŸ¦‰
    Thank you

    Thats just really made me smile thanks
  • columbia
    columbia Registered Posts: 580 Epic contributor 🐘
    Really funny!!!

    I love No 22! :-)
  • mark130273
    mark130273 Registered Posts: 4,234 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    everyone should copy it and send it privately too blobbyh !!!
  • AK002
    AK002 Registered Posts: 2,492 Beyond epic contributor πŸ§™β€β™‚οΈ
    Marga wrote: Β»
    Extracts from REAL letters written to Councils in the UK by residents in Council houses/flats.

    1. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow.
    2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
    3. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
    4. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
    5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
    6. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
    7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
    8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
    9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
    10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.
    11. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.
    12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
    13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
    14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
    15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his !!!! wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
    16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
    17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third. So please send someone round to do something about it.
    18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
    19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife.
    20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
    21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
    22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
    23. He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.

    No bad
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