101 Ways To Annoy People

101 Ways To Annoy People <BR>1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly. <BR><BR>2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage." <BR><BR>3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go." <BR><BR>4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..." <BR><BR>5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.<BR><BR>6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <<BR><BR>7. Speak only in a "robot" voice. <BR><BR>8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly. <BR><BR>9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub". <BR><BR>10. Leave the photocopy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies. <BR><BR>11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. <BR><BR>12. Sniffle incessantly.<BR><BR>13. Leave your indicator on for fifty miles. <BR><BR>14. Name your dog "Dog." <BR><BR>15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." <BR><BR>16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think." <BR><BR>17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training." <BR><BR>18. Declare your flat an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".<BR><BR>19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." <BR><BR>20. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Febreeze. <BR><BR>21. Practice making fax and modem noises. <BR><BR>22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss. <BR><BR>23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. <BR><BR>24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. <BR><BR>25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person." <BR><BR>26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy." <BR><BR>27. Wear a special hip holster for your remote control. <BR><BR>28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. <BR><BR>29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. <BR><BR>30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. <BR><BR>31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal voice. <BR><BR>32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. <BR><BR>33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." <BR><BR>34. Drum on every available surface. <BR><BR>35. Staple papers in the middle of the page. <BR><BR>36. Ask 0800 operators for dates. <BR><BR>37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire copyright warnings. <BR><BR>38. Sew anti-theft detector strips into peoples backpacks.<BR><BR>39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places. <BR><BR>40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.<BR><BR>41. Set alarms for random times. <BR><BR>42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon. <BR><BR>43. Instead of Gravy, serve chocolate syrup next christmas.<BR><BR>44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise. <BR><BR>45. Honk and wave to strangers. <BR><BR>46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange. <BR><BR>47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show. <BR><BR>48. Tape pieces of "Loose Women" talking about the menopause over climactic parts of rental movies. <BR><BR>49. Wear your trousers backwards. <BR><BR>50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register. <BR><BR>51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!" <BR><BR>52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE. <BR><BR>53. only type in lowercase. <BR><BR>54. dont use any punctuation either <BR><BR>55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. <BR><BR>56. Pay for your dinner with pennies. <BR><BR>57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes. <BR><BR>58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question. <BR><BR>59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps. <BR><BR>60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories. <BR><BR>61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now." <BR><BR>62. Light road flares on a birthday cake. <BR><BR>63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley. <BR><BR>64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency. <BR><BR>65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador." <BR><BR>66. At the dry cleaner, use one dryer for each of your socks.<BR><BR>67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained. <BR><BR>68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One." <BR><BR>69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk. <BR><BR>70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.<BR><BR>71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it. <BR><BR>72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. <BR><BR>73. Drive half a street. <BR><BR>74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.<BR><BR>75. Ask people what gender they are. <BR><BR>76. Lick the filling out of all thePenguins, and place the bits back together.<BR><BR>77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl. <BR><BR>78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes". <BR><BR>79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. <BR><BR>80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet. <BR><BR>81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. <BR><BR>82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.<BR><BR>83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."<BR><BR>84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. <BR><BR>85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed. <BR><BR>86. Wear a LOT of cologne. <BR><BR>87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing." <BR><BR>88. Sing along at the opera.<BR><BR>89. Mow your lawn with scissors. <BR><BR>90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!" <BR><BR>91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend." <BR><BR>92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. <BR><BR>93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something <BR>about "psychological profiles." <BR><BR>94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture." <BR><BR>95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. <BR><BR>96. Never make eye contact. <BR><BR>97. Never break eye contact. <BR><BR>98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.<BR><BR>99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. <BR><BR>100. Make appointments for the 31st of September. <BR><BR>101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.<BR> <BR>