Toilet talk
messedup89
Registered Posts: 1,281 Beyond epic contributor 🧙♂️
Why do people always seem to say hello to you in the toilets at work even though you've already spent most of the day working alongside them and talking to them?
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I daren't think. My old boss used to do try and have a conversation with me while I was in a cubicle and he could never understand why I thought it was inappropriate. Some people are weird.0
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what a thread.............
too right but the best one is when we are standing at the urinals and someone stands to you in the next one........why is the wall so interesting ????0 -
lol i thought it was bad enough being a girl and someone doing it shouting over the cubicles. But when your a boy at the urinals and someone is talking, that much worse and random lol
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so you girls will just have a random convo across the cubicles........that is just so funny....0
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lol yer but its not my choice. You go in first, then someone comes in a few seconds after you in the next cubicle and strikes up a conversation!0
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Got this email a while back, and it really made me laugh (apologies for length and for lowering the tone of this thread even further!) :
Rules of pooing at work
As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POO is
inevitable. For those who hate pooing at work, following is the
Survival Guide for taking a dump at work.
CROP DUSTING -- When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't
know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until
the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the
smell has left your pants.
FLY BY -- The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and
come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.
ESCAPEE -- A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden
wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it.
Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the
urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.
JAILBREAK -- When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.
COURTESY FLUSH -- The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits
the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.
WALK OF SHAME -- Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after
you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH .
OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER -- A colleague who poos at work and is proud of
it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.
THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N) -- A group of co-workers who band
together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet
Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVENS -- A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite gender . This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your gender entering the bathroom.
TURD BURGLAR -- Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle
and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.
CAMO-COUGH -- A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.
ASTAIRE -- A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.
WATERMELON -- A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.
HAVANAOMELET -- A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes
in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.
UNCLE TED -- A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could
spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees
Apologies again, but I'm still laughing!!!!0 -
lmao! im finding it so hard to keep my first straight! Hope my collegues dont notice!0
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There's LOADS of 'Uncle Teds' at my work place, and I like to sit in the next cubicle for ages just to make them uncomfortable! It's like a twisted waiting game! :laugh:0
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lol it brightens up your work day0
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Very good. Wins a blobbyh smiley... :thumbup1:0
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Wow, a blobbyh smiley?! Just what I always wanted!
Here's a turbo-charged smiley in return : :thumbup:0 -
Hahahaha that email is well funny, made me look a look a right n*bhead ealier when I was trying to suppress a laugh in the office.0
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well im going home for a thuddddd myself.....see ya alll laters !!!!0
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lol my initial post seems to of had a case of chinese whispers. I was refering to having a wee while people talk to you. Its turned into a *thud*
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I was refering to having a wee while people talk to you.
Oh, sorry. Well, that did happen to me when I was in a nightclub the week before last. That sounds incredibly dodgy so I'll qualify the statement. I was in Mercy in Norwich the night of my graduation, and some guy on my course who I didn't really know (and would also have graduated that afternoon) tried to start a conversation while I was otherwise occupied. No, that's still dodgy...0 -
ooooooooooooooooooooooooouuuuurggggggggggggg !!!!!!!!!! very nice ?0
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Mark, forgive me but WTF does 'ourg' mean?!0
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well its hard to actually spell the word i was thinking about and you know my spelling not the greatest ?0
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Well, that's fair enough but even with reading it carefully so I don't miss out a vowel then trying to formulate the sound, I'm still struggling.0
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Maybe we've got the wrong accent?0
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try it with a woolyback accent then ?0
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Nope still doesn't work!0 -
oh well........must be me again making up my own language !:001_tt2:0
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mark130273 wrote: »oh well........must be me again making up my own language !:001_tt2:
That makes a lot of sence Mark............spambot language to go along with your very own dictionary 0 -
cool get my own dictionary too.....
dfhre wiuf woiw wkgn wkgi wngfwygfd i ouh goi oihg hn ufrfiv bnfiuv bnrgiu bruigbn uhfh uifir neopgif ijroi ivcui oi vurehb i fuwh !0 -
mark130273 wrote: »cool get my own dictionary too.....
dfhre wiuf woiw wkgn wkgi wngfwygfd i ouh goi oihg hn ufrfiv bnfiuv bnrgiu bruigbn uhfh uifir neopgif ijroi ivcui oi vurehb i fuwh !
I've just noticed you get the last word on nearly every recent thread!
Genius :thumbup:0 -
He does that pretty often!
Trying to set some record.0 -
Lets see if he gets this one0
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