The "post a joke" thread...

SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced MentorRegistered Posts: 553
Post ya jokes...
«13

Comments

  • LondonMattLondonMatt Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 1,110
    Whats brown and sticky?


    A stick!



    I collect my £5 for worst joke ever.....
  • RacheyRachey Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 589
    LondonMatt wrote: »
    Whats brown and sticky?


    A stick!



    I collect my £5 for worst joke ever.....

    Am i wrong to laugh at that??? Haha :lol:
  • LondonMattLondonMatt Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 1,110
    Rachey wrote: »
    Am i wrong to laugh at that??? Haha :lol:
    .....helpless to my charms.....helpless....:laugh:


    Why did the mermaid leave the sea?


    Because the sea weed!
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?







    Matt...
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    The fight we had last night was my fault,
    my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.
  • LondonMattLondonMatt Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 1,110
    What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle united?
    Alan Shearer will be on Match of the Day next season.

    What goes down faster than a Geordie slapper
    The team she supports
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    SeanyBoy wrote: »
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?







    Matt...

    What do you call a man wearing 1 scarf 2 ear muffs 3 hats










    Anything you want he cant hear you
  • sarahwilsonsarahwilson Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 567
    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?





    A carrot.
    :lol:

    I reckon the £5 for the worst joke might be mine
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?





    A carrot.
    :lol:

    I reckon the £5 for the worst joke might be mine

    i'll give you £20 if you stop now :lol::lol::lol:
  • BuffBuff Trusted Regular Registered Posts: 275
    the inevitable blondes

    I could tell a blonde had used my pc whilst i was on holiday... i returned to find Tipex on the screen. What confirmned the blonde was the fact there were letters written on top of the tipex
  • groundygroundy Trusted Regular Registered Posts: 495
    What do you call a fish with no eye ?

    Fsh!
  • A-VicA-Vic Expertise Guaranteed Registered Posts: 6,970
    SeanyBoy wrote: »
    What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?







    Matt...

    I know a riskay

    Where do you find a man with no arms and legs
















    where you left him
  • RacheyRachey Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 589
    What insect is good at math?

    An account-ant.
  • Paul24Paul24 Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 578
    Rachey wrote: »
    What insect is good at math?

    An account-ant.

    Did you hear about the constipated accountant?

    He had to work it out with a pencil :huh:
  • fatandfortyfatandforty Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    What do you call a fly with no wings?



    A walk
  • steveJsteveJ Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 694
    What do you call a female snooker player with a pint of lager on her head ?






















    BEER - TRICKS - POTTER

    :thumbup1:
    :tongue_smilie:
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    What do you call a deer with no eyes???






    No I-Deer


    What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs???




    Still no i-deer....
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    Why was the washing machine laughing?







    Because it was taking the p*ss out the underpants
  • MonsoonMonsoon Font Of All Knowledge FMAAT, AAT Licensed Accountant Posts: 4,069
    My fave accounting joke:

    A solicitor and a tax accountant are sitting next to each other on a long flight.

    The solicitor leans over to the accountant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The accountant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

    The solicitor persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains 'I ask you a question , and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5.' Again, the accountant politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

    The solicitor, now somewhat agitated, says 'OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me £5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £50!'

    This catches the accountant's complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The solicitor asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'

    The accountant doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pull out a five-pound note and hands it to the solicitor.

    Now, it's the accountant's turn. He asks the solicitor: 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The solicitor looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Law Library. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows.

    All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the accountant and hands him £50. The accountant politely takes the £50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

    The solicitor, more that a little miffed, shakes the accountant and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer?'

    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .


    Without a word, the accountant reaches into his wallet, hands the solicitor £5 and goes back to sleep.

    :thumbup1::lol:
  • Paul24Paul24 Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 578
    Very good , I like that :thumbup:
  • groundygroundy Trusted Regular Registered Posts: 495
    Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says have you any idea how to drive this thing.

    Mick and Paddy in a plane, Mick says to Paddy if this plane turns upside down will we fall out, no says Paddy we will still be best of friends.
  • DiannewDiannew Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 2,814
    Cofucious say's "man with flat chestered woman has right to feel low down"

    Confucious also say's "man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day"


    Give me my Fiver now please !! hee hee
  • Bookworm55Bookworm55 Trusted Regular Registered Posts: 479
    Continuing the blind creatures theme:

    What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?

    Doyouthinkhesaurus.
  • groundygroundy Trusted Regular Registered Posts: 495
    How do you hide an elephant in a Cherry Tree ?


    Paint its balls red.


    Whats the loudest sound in the jungle?

    Giraffe's eating cherries.




    That £5 is mine hands down.:001_tt2:
  • sarahwilsonsarahwilson Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 567
    What do you call a man with a spade on his head?




    Doug



    What do you call a man without a spade on his head?



    Douglas


    Now give me the fiver and lets put an end to this nonsense!!:001_tt2:
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    What do you call a blonde at university?








    A visitor.
  • DiannewDiannew Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 2,814
    An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.

    "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."

    "Have you tried counting sheep?"

    "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."
  • SeanyBoySeanyBoy Experienced Mentor Registered Posts: 553
    Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
    The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
    "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

    (couldnt resist that) :laugh:
  • DiannewDiannew Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 2,814
    SeanyBoy wrote: »
    Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
    The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
    "No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"

    (couldnt resist that) :laugh:

    :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:001_tt2:Thank you!!! sends me on my way with a smile on my face.......or is that egg:lol::lol:
  • DiannewDiannew Font Of All Knowledge Registered Posts: 2,814
    Well it's goodbye from me and goodbye from him....whoever that is....

    Safe journey home everyone.

    Keep smiling.
Sign In or Register to comment.