The "post a joke" thread...
SeanyBoy
Registered Posts: 553 Epic contributor 🐘
Post ya jokes...
0
Comments
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Whats brown and sticky?
A stick!
I collect my £5 for worst joke ever.....0 -
LondonMatt wrote: »Whats brown and sticky?
A stick!
I collect my £5 for worst joke ever.....
Am i wrong to laugh at that??? Haha
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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs sitting on your front porch?
Matt...0 -
The fight we had last night was my fault,
my wife asked me what was on the TV and i said dust.0 -
What's the difference between Alan Shearer and Newcastle united?
Alan Shearer will be on Match of the Day next season.
What goes down faster than a Geordie slapper
The team she supports0 -
Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
I reckon the £5 for the worst joke might be mine0 -
sarahwilson wrote: »Whats orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
I reckon the £5 for the worst joke might be mine
i'll give you £20 if you stop now 0 -
the inevitable blondes
I could tell a blonde had used my pc whilst i was on holiday... i returned to find Tipex on the screen. What confirmned the blonde was the fact there were letters written on top of the tipex0 -
What do you call a fish with no eye ?
Fsh!0 -
What insect is good at math?
An account-ant.0 -
What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk0 -
What do you call a female snooker player with a pint of lager on her head ?
BEER - TRICKS - POTTER
:thumbup1:
:tongue_smilie:0 -
What do you call a deer with no eyes???
No I-Deer
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs???
Still no i-deer....0 -
Why was the washing machine laughing?
Because it was taking the p*ss out the underpants0 -
My fave accounting joke:
A solicitor and a tax accountant are sitting next to each other on a long flight.
The solicitor leans over to the accountant and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The accountant just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.
The solicitor persists and explains that the game is really easy and a lot of fun. He explains 'I ask you a question , and if you don't know the answer, you pay me £5.' Again, the accountant politely declines and tries to get some sleep.
The solicitor, now somewhat agitated, says 'OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me £5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you £50!'
This catches the accountant's complete attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The solicitor asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?'
The accountant doesn't say a word, reaches in to his wallet, pull out a five-pound note and hands it to the solicitor.
Now, it's the accountant's turn. He asks the solicitor: 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?' The solicitor looks at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and the Law Library. Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows.
All to no avail. After over an hour, he wakes the accountant and hands him £50. The accountant politely takes the £50 and turns away to get back to sleep.
The solicitor, more that a little miffed, shakes the accountant and asks, 'Well, so what IS the answer?'
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
Without a word, the accountant reaches into his wallet, hands the solicitor £5 and goes back to sleep.
:thumbup1: 0 -
Very good , I like that :thumbup:0
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Two fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says have you any idea how to drive this thing.
Mick and Paddy in a plane, Mick says to Paddy if this plane turns upside down will we fall out, no says Paddy we will still be best of friends.0 -
Cofucious say's "man with flat chestered woman has right to feel low down"
Confucious also say's "man with hole in pocket feels cocky all day"
Give me my Fiver now please !! hee hee0 -
Continuing the blind creatures theme:
What do you call a dinosaur with no eyes?
Doyouthinkhesaurus.0 -
How do you hide an elephant in a Cherry Tree ?
Paint its balls red.
Whats the loudest sound in the jungle?
Giraffe's eating cherries.
That £5 is mine hands down.:001_tt2:0 -
What do you call a man with a spade on his head?
Doug
What do you call a man without a spade on his head?
Douglas
Now give me the fiver and lets put an end to this nonsense!!:001_tt2:0 -
What do you call a blonde at university?
A visitor.0 -
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."0 -
Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
"No good telling me" replies the male egg "I'm not hard yet"
(couldnt resist that) :laugh:0 -
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Well it's goodbye from me and goodbye from him....whoever that is....
Safe journey home everyone.
Keep smiling.0
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