The "post a joke" thread...
Comments
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Two eggs boiling in a pan, one male and one female.
The female egg says "Look, I've got a crack"
The male egg turns and says " Bloody hell, a talking egg!"0 -
While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends late one night, the drunk led the way to his bedroom where there was a big brass gong.
"What's that big brass gong for?" one of the guests asked. "Why, that's the talking clock" the man replied. "How does it work?" "Watch", the man said, giving it an ear-shattering pound with a hammer.
Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "For f*ck sake, you w*nker, it's 2am in the f*cking morning!!"0 -
Q. What did one saggy tit say to the other saggy tit?
A. If we don't get some support soon, people will think we're nuts!0 -
erm.............got to get a good one for this £5 .....
ok try this one on for size !!!
"2 parrots on a perch"
one turns to the other and says "can you smell fish ?"
cheque please!!!0 -
Oh dear Lord - do excuse me while I go off to kill myself. Slowly. Painfully.
:laugh:
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Bill and Ben in the bath, Bill goes flubbadubbadub, Ben says fart again and your out.
Bill and Ben in the pub, Bill goes flubbadubbadub, Ben says go home your ****ed.0 -
I think if I'd read more than one page of this thread then I too would have lost the will to live :001_tongue:0
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How about this for a change of pace; instead of typing out the whole joke, we just post the punchline? That is the funniest part afterall…..
I'll start:
….and he landed in a pot of wee! 0 -
LondonMatt wrote: »How about this for a change of pace; instead of typing out the whole joke, we just post the punchline? That is the funniest part afterall…..
I'll start:
….and he landed in a pot of wee!
Quick say *****ng hamburger!0 -
"....potatoes!"0
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"I would quit while you are ahead" This is a great joke.....
Hmmmm...... it would appear that Matt's sanity is suffering a little due to the grieving process he is currently going through. Is his departure to the new desk imminent or do we have time to organise another leaving party? :001_tt2:0 -
LondonMatt wrote: »How about this for a change of pace; instead of typing out the whole joke, we just post the punchline? That is the funniest part afterall…..
I'll start:
….and he landed in a pot of wee!
Is that the English, Scots and Irish magic slide joke?0 -
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Hmmmm...... it would appear that Matt's sanity is suffering a little due to the grieving process he is currently going through. Is his departure to the new desk imminent or do we have time to organise another leaving party? :001_tt2:
Alas!!! dear friend I think we are too late to save him...our tassle's, silk socks and exotic belly dancing attire will have to be put back in the closet......untill Matty come's out of his:crying:0 -
LondonMatt wrote: »Yes it is!
I was going to write it out, but its a bit long and I couldn't be bothered, lol
Its a classic, first heard that one 25 years ago.:thumbup:0 -
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Not sure on the potatoes one.
School teacher giving the children a lesson in morals and asks the children for an example. Lucy goes first "my mum was carry a basket when she dropped it and the eggs smashed; moral - dont put all your eggs in one basket."
Little Oliver steps up next and explains "my dad quit his old job for a new one but now hes not happy; moral - the grass isn;t always greener."
All this time little Johny has been bounced about waiting for his turn, ok Johny says the teacher whats your story. Johny begins the story of his grandad during the war being the last man left in his platoon facing 100 Germans with no bullets and only a bottle of whiskey and his sword. The teacher says thats an interesting story but whats the moral, to which Johny replys dont mess with me grandad when he's ****ed.0 -
And just to finish you off....
That's it, you've pushed me over the edge, I hope you're happy! It was nice knowing some of you but for the rest of you - and you know who you are - your jokes have caused my head to melt and so I must drink the hydrochloric acid as a toast to your hateful beings. I shall haunt you, oh yes I will.
And as a parting gift, I shall attempt to kill all the cats by declaring myself an atheist, and wipe out Tinkerbell and all her kind by leaving a recording of me saying "I don't believe in fairies" on continous looped playback.
Farewell!0 -
That's it, you've pushed me over the edge, I hope you're happy! It was nice knowing some of you but for the rest of you - and you know who you are - your jokes have caused my head to melt and so I must drink the hydrochloric acid as a toast to your hateful beings. I shall haunt you, oh yes I will.
And as a parting gift, I shall attempt to kill all the cats by declaring myself an atheist, and wipe out Tinkerbell and all her kind by leaving a recording of me saying "I don't believe in fairies" on continous looped playback.
Farewell!
Why don't you believe in Matt and Seany Boy?:001_tt2:0 -
ok here goes
Heres my one and only TERRIBLE joke..:thumbup:
Whats brown and sticky??
A Stick.0 -
Leave us God botherers and our cats alone. Fairies are fair game though as long as you count to a hundred to give them a start.0
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;D That is a good one ....!!0
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I rang NHS Direct today to ask about the symptons of swine flu, but all I got was crackling. 0
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