Am I the only Jew in this village?
Comments
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All this theological arguments are all very well, but I AM THE ONLY JEW IN THE VILLAGE?0
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My boss is Jewish. So by association I am proud to be a member of the Jewish Congregation. I think of myself as a Roman Catholic Jew.
So, the answer to your question is yes.0 -
Every time someone says they don't believe in God a kitten dies.0
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Oy vey! Another Catholic Jew.
By the way... Does anybody want to go to Thorpe Park at the weekend? I fancy putting my back out on a roller coaster. Any takers?0 -
No, no, no. Cullen, you've got it all wrong. You are talking about my twin, LondonNatt. A very common mistake.
We argue fiercely about everything, religion, politics, art, literature, whether we would rather look like a fish or smell like a fish. The only thing we have in common is that we once shared a womb. I got all the best parts and he got the crap - which explains his opinions on god.
The film 'Twins' was actually a true story, based on our lives. They took some liberties on the likeness of my character though - I don't speak with an Austrian accent! But what can you do, it was Hollywood. :001_rolleyes:0 -
Oh it has become clear to me now. Twins, eh?
Well, which one are you? The one who looks like a fish or the smelly one?
Don't talk to me about Hollywood, when they did my life story the casting was apalling. Fancy giving the role to Hugh Grant? Pah!0 -
Sorry, I have to rush off to the vets. My cat looks really peaky................0
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I'm the smelly one. People can forgive you for smelling like a fish if you look like Brad Pitt, but no amount of perfume will forgive you for looking like a fish0
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Afraid its another atheist over here....0
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Well the cat's dead.
Bloody atheists.0 -
To quote from Red Dwarf:
'Archeologists near Mount Sinai have discovered what is believed to be a missing page from the Bible. The page is currently being carbon-dated in Bonne. If genuine, it belongs at the beginning of the Bible and is believed to read, "To my darling Candy. All characters portrayed within this book are fictitous and any resemblance to persons living or dead is purely coincidental."'
As a 100% non-fiction documentary of life yet to be lived, I think we have the answer!:laugh:
I am (was) an Anglo-Catholic but have been moving towards atheism for the last few years. I have to agree with LondonMatt when he compares the size of our planet to that of the universe that the chances of there being someone out there looking out for us and popping down for an execution 2000 years ago is a little remote.
Still, I may be wrong - anybody got any tips for what I should say if I turn up at the pearly gates and get told I'm not allowed in?0 -
My other cat looks a bit off colour now...........
Please please no more atheists killing the kittens!0 -
As the only Jew in the village, I will pray for the passing of your cat and also for the improving health of your second cat.
Dear God
A cat sat on a mat, but not anymore, as he is in heaven now. However, a second cat doth still sit on a mat so please look after him.
Amen.
Hope it works.
Speegs:thumbup:0 -
Speegs, what can I say!!!!
I had half the garden dug up ready for the internment of the first cat when suddenly it leaped up, ran around for a bit and then went and had some dinner. The other cat has perked up no end too.
It's a miracle!0 -
Speegs, what can I say!!!!
I had half the garden dug up ready for the internment of the first cat when suddenly it leaped up, ran around for a bit and then went and had some dinner. The other cat has perked up no end too.
It's a miracle!
Hey you!!!................here's me feeling terrible for talking about nice things when you were sad about your dead pussy................I shall never believe a word you print again
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If it was a miracle then God must exist. Having said that, I took a hamster to the vet once, the vet said she was very poorly and put her to sleep. When I got home later and went to bury her in the garden she was a alive again.
Seriously, I am not lying. I had a resurrecting hamster. Either than, or an incompetent vet. Either way the next hamster was named Jesus.
Speegs0 -
Hey you!!!................here's me feeling terrible for talking about nice things when you were sad about your dead pussy................I shall never believe a word you print again
I was telling the truth about my cat. She was called Brandy and she was 16. My other cat called Wilma died in her sleep just before Christmas. She was 18. I would like a Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig now but my husband won't let me :-(0 -
I confess to being a compulsive prevaricator. I am sorry about your cats. I have two dogs and two cats and I know the heartbreak of losing a loved pet.
What about that Speegs, though? Proved the existence of a benevolent almighty creator and resurrected two dead animals all with the power of prayer. Isn't she something!!0 -
fatandforty wrote: »I was telling the truth about my cat. She was called Brandy and she was 16. My other cat called Wilma died in her sleep just before Christmas. She was 18. I would like a Vietnamese Pot Bellied Pig now but my husband won't let me :-(
Sorry!! that comment was not for you, I believe you and your sadness:blushing: it was Cullen that was pulling the wool over my eyes...as the saying goes 0 -
I confess to being a compulsive prevaricator. I am sorry about your cats. I have two dogs and two cats and I know the heartbreak of losing a loved pet.
What about that Speegs, though? Proved the existence of a benevolent almighty creator and resurrected two dead animals all with the power of prayer. Isn't she something!!
Look at the trouble you and your compulsive behavour has caused Shame on you 0 -
I didn't start it! It was CJC. It's all his fault. Don't blame me. He did it. He was the one. I am good, I am...............
(slinks off, thinking he's fooled them, heh heh heh)0 -
(After thinking a bit more....)
It was LondonNatt too, the one who looks like a fish.0 -
(After thinking a bit more....)
It was LondonNatt too, the one who looks like a fish.
You have let me down....................there you go blaming everyone else for your compulsive story telling..................take it like a man and own up to your terrible behavour:lo
CJ would never cause trouble on here!!!!!!!!!!!!!(gosh you have me telling unbelievable story's now)0 -
Still, I may be wrong - anybody got any tips for what I should say if I turn up at the pearly gates and get told I'm not allowed in?
Well, St Peter is getting on a bit on now - he has to be at least 2,000 years old!! - and like all old people, he loves his Worthers originals - he actually mentions them in the bible…somewhere towards the end.
So the best thing to do is bribe the man with a pack.
…….or …. bring along a basebat and force your way in. Once you are in, you're in, they can't kick you out…something to do with the 'uman rights act :001_rolleyes:0 -
Yes I read that bit in the bible too, it's in the part where we are told about the martyrdom of St Vincent who God caused to be tested :
" by scantily clad maidens, who did tickle him and lick him and cause him to cry out in great agony:
My God this is fantastic..."0 -
I think you are reading a Mills and Boon book and not the B.I.B.L.E. (Basic Instructions Before Leaving Earth).
Anyway all of this is great. I started a thread about being Jewish and now World War 3 has practically broken out. Just like real life. Oh well, as Tom Lehrer once sang...
All the Hindus hate the Muslims
And the Muslims hate the Hindus
All of my folks hate all of your folks
And everybody hates the Jews.
:laugh::laugh::laugh:0 -
LondonMatt wrote: »Well, St Peter is getting on a bit on now - he has to be at least 2,000 years old!! - and like all old people, he loves his Worthers originals - he actually mentions them in the bible…somewhere towards the end.
So the best thing to do is bribe the man with a pack.
I'll bear that in mind, thanks! Although how I'm meant to smuggle sweets between the door of life and death I don't know. If I'm buried with them, would that work? Bit like the Egyptians used to do with their gold and slaves etc.Speegs, what can I say!!!!
I had half the garden dug up ready for the internment of the first cat when suddenly it leaped up, ran around for a bit and then went and had some dinner. The other cat has perked up no end too.
It's a miracle!
I'm very pleased to hear of the recovery and resurrection of your cats and I hope they are not struck down by further comments of atheism. Please accept my apologies, and excuse me while I go off and kill some fairies - I don't believe in them either!:001_tt2:0
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